Whispers of Love
The past few months have been difficult.
I am sorry but I fell off of the blog wagon... I wrote several post in the weeks after we returned home from the DRC but for some reason our lives got crazy and I never posted them. So here is one... there will be a few more to follow!
Written: September 24th, 2014
I laid there tired and weary in a foreign country next to my two children. The children that God has given me not from my own womb but another women's womb. Staring at them, my mind is spinning. When will we get to bring them home?
Will they ever come home?
I am sorry but I fell off of the blog wagon... I wrote several post in the weeks after we returned home from the DRC but for some reason our lives got crazy and I never posted them. So here is one... there will be a few more to follow!
Written: September 24th, 2014
I laid there tired and weary in a foreign country next to my two children. The children that God has given me not from my own womb but another women's womb. Staring at them, my mind is spinning. When will we get to bring them home?
Will they ever come home?
I heard Him whisper it... Isaiah 29... I ignore it at first... obviously my mind is running. We had just traveled all the way across the world. Met our son and daughter in person for the first time, wrapped our arms around each other and whispered...
"Na lingi yo"
"I love you"
I looked over at my beautiful babies lying only a few feet from me.
I reached over and touched Miralette. I took her little hand in mine. I watched Kinsman sleep so peacefully. If only they knew...
If only they could understand how hard Papa and Mama were fighting for them. Yet at the same time, I was thankful they do not yet seeall of the evil in this broken world. I was thankful that they were still young and naive enough to not understand it all yet.
Do I even understand it all? Do I really want to?
If I am honest, maybe I want to go back to not knowing and not understanding too.
I have shed so many tears in the last 14 months.
I have shed so many tears in the last 14 months.
But there it was again... Isaiah 29... Fine... I can't sleep anyway I thought. I rolled over and grabbed my phone next to me to read the bible app. As I read it... tears streamed down my face yet again. Mike... Mike... wake up! I have to read this to you!
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| This is actually from the morning but thought I would add in a little humor. |
My jet lagged husband opened his eyes... and listened to me as I read the scriptures to him. We sat up in bed reading and talking about them. Trying to better hear God and his word.
Isaiah 29:5-7: But the multitude of enemies shall be like small dust, and the multitude of the ruthless like passing chaff. And in an instant, suddenly, you will be visited by the Lord of hosts with thunder and with earthquake and great noise, with whirlwind and tempest, and the flame of a devouring fire.
And the multitude of all the nations that fight against Ariel (Isreal), all that fight against her and her stronghold and distress her, shall be like a dream, a vision of the night.
I heard God saying to me...
"If only you knew how hard I am fighting for you and your children", Wait what?!?!...
Is this not the same thing I had just thought to myself as I lay awake watching my children sleep next to me. I wanted them to know how hard we are fighting for them, and here my Heavenly father is revealing to me how hard he is fighting for me and for all of his people.
God was showing me.... All those who have distressed or fight against us will be like a dream or a vision in the night. They will suddenly disappear. Just like he gave me this vision in the night.... Suddenly... in an instant... All that fight against us will disappear.
Because of Christ's death and resurrection, we are fighting from a place of victory. Jesus in his death has overcome the evil of this world. I can find my JOY in this! No matter the circumstances around me, I can rejoice in HIM alone!
He will bring Justice to all.
Isaiah 29:22-24: Therefore this is what the Lord, who redeemed Abraham, says to the hour of Jacob:"No longer will Jacob be ashamed no longer will their faces grow pale. When they see among them their children, the work of my hands, they will keep my name holy; they will acknowledge the holiness of the Holy One of Jacob, and will stand in awe of the God of Israel. Those who are wayward in spirit will gain understanding;
Those who complain will accept instruction.
I read the words... "you will see among you your children"and "you all will stand in awe of your God". Is that not what I have been praying for all along? That my children will come home and through all of it God would be glorified! I have prayed that it will be undeniable that it was God alone who brought them home. Praise God for his word. I feel asleep that night with a deeper understanding of my heavenly father.
The rest of the week was very busy chasing after two little ones!
We had an incredible week with our children. Playing and laughing together. Even though we spoke completely different languages. Love filled in the gaps.
It was not much different than when my two bio sons were that age. (Don't hold me accountable of the exact spelling of the lingala words - our kids our little so the way they say the worlds is different we called it baby lingala)
"Mama kolia " - Translation: "Mama eat"
"Mama kolia " - Translation: "Mama eat"
"Papa no linanda" - Translation "Papa outside"
"Mama mai" - Translation: "Mama water"
"Papa na sumba" Translation: Papa I have to go potty"
"Papa na si si" - Translation: "Papa I'm all done"
This one always came after the potty... Oh the joys of parenting :)
I did not want it to... but the week had to end. I tried to hold on to every moment possible. God was moving... I had seen it just in the few days we had been there. He had moved our paperwork and our investigation at the US embassy.
He was making a way.
He was making a way.
He had created a bond between all of us.
He had been preparing my children's hearts for the day we would meet.
He had given them a understanding far beyond their age.
He had been preparing my children's hearts for the day we would meet.
He had given them a understanding far beyond their age.
The day came when we had to leave. I tried to soak up every moment, every smell, the touch of their skin, the moles on their tiny arms and faces. I did not want to miss a thing. I wanted to remember it all.
The reality was .. they would soon just be memories. I would have to rely on my memory and pictures until I could be with them again. My heart ached as the car pulled up. Their foster Mom got out of the car. Mike told Kinsman in Lingala,"We have to go now... but we are coming back for you". Kinsman began to cry. Which only made my tears stream faster.
We all hugged each other, Hardly able to speak.... whispering over and over... "Na Lingi yo"... "I love you".
Knowing this was not the end because we trust our heavenly father that there is more to our story and in his perfect time it will unfold.
Isaiah 29:18: In that day the deaf will hear the words of the scroll
and out of the gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see. Once more the humble will rejoice in the Lord; the needy will rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.
God had given me these verses in the DRC. But he had not meant for me to leave them there. He had given me a gift ahead of time knowing I would need them even more at this moment in time than ever before.
Isaiah 29:24: Those who are wayward in spirit will gain understanding; those who complain will accept instruction.
God has been speaking to me, asking me to change my heart, to trust him more; To remember the reason WHY I am here. That reason is to KNOW HIM and to Glorify Him.
When my human heart is feeble and wavers in unbelief, God shows me, that by His grace, He will not break me, but bring me back to a place where I bend before him. Trusting that He is God and that he works all things for the good of those who love him. (Isaiah 29: 1-4 & Romans 8:28)
I can trust that He will come and fight for me. It will be like a dream in the night.
He will protect me. (Isaiah 29: 5-8) I have been blinded. Not always believing Gods word. Yet, He continues to be gracious to me showing me I can trust that His word is true.
I am learning to not lean on the circumstances around me in order to believe. When I say with my lips... "I trust you" but the fear in my heart says something different. I am denying my maker. (Isaiah 29:9-16)
The day has come for me to understand. The battle has already been won.
I no longer have to fear. I stand in awe of God
because He has overcome the Evil of this world through his death and resurrection.
We have nothing to fear because when we believe in Him we will live eternally with Him. That does not mean that the circumstances of this world will always be perfect. The innocent WILL be given justice. I stand in Awe of the work of my God. I will gain understanding of Him and he will instruct me.
(Isaiah 29:17-24)
and out of the gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see. Once more the humble will rejoice in the Lord; the needy will rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.
God had given me these verses in the DRC. But he had not meant for me to leave them there. He had given me a gift ahead of time knowing I would need them even more at this moment in time than ever before.
God has been speaking to me, asking me to change my heart, to trust him more; To remember the reason WHY I am here. That reason is to KNOW HIM and to Glorify Him.
When my human heart is feeble and wavers in unbelief, God shows me, that by His grace, He will not break me, but bring me back to a place where I bend before him. Trusting that He is God and that he works all things for the good of those who love him. (Isaiah 29: 1-4 & Romans 8:28)
I can trust that He will come and fight for me. It will be like a dream in the night.
He will protect me. (Isaiah 29: 5-8) I have been blinded. Not always believing Gods word. Yet, He continues to be gracious to me showing me I can trust that His word is true.
I am learning to not lean on the circumstances around me in order to believe. When I say with my lips... "I trust you" but the fear in my heart says something different. I am denying my maker. (Isaiah 29:9-16)
The day has come for me to understand. The battle has already been won.
I no longer have to fear. I stand in awe of God
because He has overcome the Evil of this world through his death and resurrection.
We have nothing to fear because when we believe in Him we will live eternally with Him. That does not mean that the circumstances of this world will always be perfect. The innocent WILL be given justice. I stand in Awe of the work of my God. I will gain understanding of Him and he will instruct me.
(Isaiah 29:17-24)
Yep... enough said...
Nicole Marie
Daughter to the King
Daughter to the King
Speechless.
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