Banners of Joy

Another blog I wrote shorty after we got home from the DRC.  

Sorry I am just now posting.  

I am finally get back to blogging after a few months break!

This was written September 26th, 2014

We had only been home 24 hours after saying goodbye to our children in the DRC.

We were greeted in our living room with hanging banners 

filled with words of encouragement from so many of our friends and family.  

Exhausted mentally and physically from having to leave our children 

and fly half way across the world.  I felt a sense of HOPE.

What a gift!  What a blessing!

Mike and I walked around the room reading the words and scriptures people had written 

and again tears poured from my eyes.  I needed some JOY that day.

As I tried to settle back in to my routine there was something in me that felt unsettled.

A part of my heart was still in the DRC.

I sat there early one morning in my oversized chair... 

the one that has the indentation from where I have sat so many times before, 

drinking a hot cup of coffee, and spending time with God. 

I sat there staring off in to space.

Feeling confused and as if the ground below me was so unstable.

The Day before I had poured out my heart to God in my journal.

I was angry.  I was sad.  I was disappointed. 

Why was this all happening? I don't understand.

My human heart is so feeble.  What had happened to my Joy in the Lord?

One minute I believe and the next minute I am fearful.

Then in hit me.  Fear means I am not trusting God.

When I loose sight of the true reason for Joy, then I am letting fear take over.

Hebrews 12:2:  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

When I do not walk in the promises of the Lord, I am walking on unstable ground.

Where was my JOY?!?

Why was I so quick to not trust him?  To not walk in the promises that He has given me,

That He is God and that he is working all things for the good of those who Love him.

Romans 8:28:  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those 

who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

After lots of prayer and blessed conversation with my friends Tesheba Oliver it HIT me.

I am putting trust in man.  Not in God.  My Joy was dependent on the circumstances.

If things were good,  and going my way, then I was good.

But if things were not going the way I planned or thought they should go,

then I would spiral down a dark tunnel of fear.

I did not actually trust that God's story is far better than what I could dream.

I was forgetting what my God had done for me, how much he loved me,

and that my faith and Joy is in what He did for me and getting to  

KNOW him MORE.

I don't mean to say I have it all together 

and that every day I walk around smiling and happy.

This is so not true.

In fact, one day I saw my pastor at church.  

He asked me:  "How are you and what I had been up to this week?"

My response... "I have pretty much been trying to avoid talking to people"

I wish you could have seen his face.. I felt terrible after I said it.  But it was true.

I realized at that moment that I needed to confess to the Lord.

I was placing my joy in the circumstances of this world, 

not remembering and trusting God's word.

My True Joy should always be in Christ.

No matter the circumstances happening around me, I have the Lord!

I don't really need anything else in this world but Him.

Psalm 30:15:  For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; 

weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

It is ok to have emotions and to bring them to the Lord.  To be open and honest with him.

But even if things are not going the way I want them to go,

I will still rejoice in Him alone!

I rejoice in what the Lord has done for me!  I rejoice in what he is doing in my life!

I rejoice in how he is bringing me to a deeper place of intimacy with him.

Romans 14:17:  For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking,

but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,

This is what life is about.  It is not about getting what I want all of the time.

It is about knowing my creator and knowing my need for HIM.

I am by no means perfect at this.  I am human and I fall short every single day.

And this is yet another reminder to me of why 

I need the Holy Spirit in my life... DAILY!

Romans 15:13:  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,

 so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

What a gift it is that I can have Joy in the Lord. No matter what the circumstances 

are around me. I am thankful that I can Trust God and that his word his true.

1 Peter 1:8-9:  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  

for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Right now the circumstances around me are not what I want.

But with his strength I will hold his banner high and walk Joyfully!

Because I can trust my heavenly father.

Joshua 1:5:  No one will be able to stand up again you all the days of your life.  

As I was with Moses, so I will be with you, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Nicole Marie 

Daughter to the King